What’s there to talk about

The truth is I have a lot I could talk about. 1) Beating cancer was a big deal mostly because I wasn’t sure I wanted to live at the time. 2) Healing my eating disorder is probably an even bigger deal because, a) it never fucking stops or b) when I feel free of my ED I have SO much more brain space. 3) Living with a mental illness my whole life. This also includes as a child when no one noticed or there wasn’t a name for it. (Usher in eating disorder and addictions to cope.) 4) Raising a child with an even more pronounced mental illness. 5) Giving your kid a mental illness. 6) Addictions. 7) Being the last of 10 kids and what the fuck that was like. 8) My husband’s cancer. 9) Marriage cuz that’s a whole thing. 10) Finding purpose…. 11) white supremacy and internalized racism.

Just listing these is helpful because I mostly believe I have nothing worth saying (last of 10 kids syndrome?). And I know intellectually that isn’t true. So much is “worth” saying. And who determines worth? No body. The patriachy and white supremacy culture would love us and counts on us believing that there is standard of worth. But there isn’t. There is no standard of worth. You are worthy because you are here. What I have to say is worth saying because I’m saying it. So it has some inherent worth to me or the speaker. (Of course the listener/reader gets to decide if it’s worth their time. ) Worth is made up. Make up that you are worthy and that you matter.

©  2019  Annie Fitzgerald. All Rights Reserved.