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In my cells…

Last week I gave a talk on my internalized racism and white supremacy and yesterday, while recording a podcast (or practicing a podcast) I was asked why I want to be part of the fight in dismantling white supremacy. Truly my only answer is that “it’s in my cells”. I don’t know why I specifically feel drawn to this work. I’ve had a wealth of experience in all kinds of shit. My cancer, my husband’s cancer, way too much time spent dealing with, managing and worrying about mental illness (mine and family members), marriage – who hasn’t struggled, a near life long eating disorder, addiction… there’s a lot I could choose from to make my focus, but for me, what I keep thinking about is the injustice POC face everyday for living their lives.

Honestly I’m super scared by this. It can be volatile and I don’t want volatile. For all I’ve been through I’m really a coward. I’m scared of people hating me and this work… oh, it’s fraught with valid opinions in all directions. Not to mention that I will make mistakes and offend people. It’s inevitable. I will. And I don’t want to offend people. I also don’t want misinform people.

And all of the decisions I’ve made in the past for not doing this work is born from the same fucking place – White Supremacy. It’s in fucking everything. The only way I can make the decision NOT to be part of the fight is to be complicit and part of the problem. I do not choose that. I do not choose that and I am FAR from NOT being part of the problem.

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